First of all, I'm well aware of which of your lists my name is on. Sorry about that but in my defense, when you combine 2-for-1 beers, a broken bathroom and a nearby easily accessible church confessional booth, nothing good is going to come of this situation. That said, I'm hoping that my sincere remorse and the 100 hours of community service will sway you to go ahead and bring me everything on my roller derby Christmas list that you'll find enumerated below. Thanks and I look forward to starting 2011 on the "Nice" list and plan to earnestly attempt to stay on it for more than 16 hours this time.
Love, Derby Helper
For Christmas, I want:
- ...a league to finally form somewhere in Africa so we'll have roller derby being played on 6 continents.
- ...someone to invent a temporary masonite floor that is as portable and easy to deploy as those cheesegrater sport courts.
- ...every league on earth to graduate from skating rinks and find an arena-style place to play that has padded seats and sells beer. (And doesn't have a broken bathroom.)
- ...a way to have ropelight track borders that cause no hazards for the skaters because that looks really, really cool.
- ...WFTDA leagues in Australia and New Zealand, plus more of them in Europe. Then, for Australia/New Zealand and Europe to each become a WFTDA region that has its own tournament and automatically sends their top one or two teams to the championship tournament.
- ...banked track roller derby somewhere other than American southwest so that Royal City can play someone other than themselves.
- ..."stand around in a line" roller derby to return to the flaming sewers of hell from whence it came.
- ...less blowouts at regionals & the championship tournament and more heartattack-inducing moments like the last jam of the Oly-Rocky Mountain final.
- ...to have junior roller derby explode the way that womens roller derby has, because I know that kids everywhere will jump at the opportunity the way they did here, and because it is one of the funnest and most gratifying thing I have ever gotten involved with. Plus I want to see what the game will look like when the first crop of adult skaters hits that started when they were 10 years old.
- ...a pony. Seriously dude, you've been shafting me on that request for decades now. What's the deal? I have a yard now you know.
Oh and one last thing Santa. Please fulfill all the roller derby Christmas wishes that my friends put down below in the comment section. Thanks dude, you're awesome!
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