Sunday, September 19, 2010

ZOMGWTF

Derby Helper would like to extend our congratulations to Blow Ann Emerson of the Cape Girardeau Roller Girls for your successful ongoing effort to create a new lifeform. It looks like your new third buttock is just about ready to achieve consciousness and rip away from your body "Alien"-style to go on a murderous rampage throughout the Missouri countryside.



Visit her Facebook page featuring this picture at this link to leave her comments with get-well wishes, congratulations, horrified screams or offers to hold an exorcism. You can also sign up to be part of the round-the-clock flamethrower team ready to kill it with fire if it tries to escape.

We wish you speedy healing and also want to congratulate you on having what will now be the most famous butt in roller derby!



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36 comments:

  1. Is that a derby injury or an after-party injury?! There is a difference ya know... ;-)

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  2. It defiantly was a bout injury. I saw it happen. And she was in way too much pain to be dancing/having much fun at all at the afterparty.

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  3. Holy F! take care!

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  4. There needs to be a series... It was really wild looking before it started to turn colors!
    X<3 Dread Pirate Robyn

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  5. First off, thanks to everyone for the well-wishes. It hurts severely. Secondly, ya'll haven't seen anything yet. I'll try to post new pics later. The bruising has extended down past my knee,is turning almost black, and my butt has blisters on it now. Attractive, I know! Thanks again! Love, Blow Ann Emerson

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  6. Oh you poor girl. It's okay to cry. In this case...it's really okay to cry and shout terrible things anytime you would like.

    R'effin Adora Bell

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  7. Ouch!
    Yep, need pics of all it's stages.
    Hope you feel better soon.

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  8. Google deep vein thrombosis. Please, if you haven't gone to the hospital and been checked out by a doctor, go now. If you pass a blood clot from your leg into your bloodstream the results could be deadly. Head to emergency if you don't have insurance. Better to be safe than sorry with an injury that extensive.

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  9. Oh wow. Take care, that looks so painful. I can't even imagine. Yes, please go to Dr. Scary stuff there. Had friend die from a blood clot that started from an injury in leg. Positive vibes your way!!!

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  10. Oh geez...you guys are scaring the crap out of me! I have been to the ER, and the xrays showed no breaks or fractures. And they did say it was a contusion with severe hematoma, but nobody mentioned anything about blood clots or dying. The bruising is spreading, but getting lighter. What worries me is that the large "growth-thing" on my hip is NOT getting smaller and it's kind of numb. The pain in my hip is still pretty intense, and I have a two year old at home to take care of. Needless to say, i'm going crazy from being immobile and inside, and depression is starting to set in. Okay, enough whining! Thank you everyone and I love you all!! ~Blow Ann

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  11. bloody hell! That is quite an amazing bruise! Hope it feels better soon.xx

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  12. Holy Cow. That is one wicked bruise you have there. Feel better!

    - Slash Borden

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  13. Ok I really gotta know HOW the hell that happened! Derby I know, but were you the bottom of a derby girl pile on the track or what!?
    2 years ago today I dislocated my ankle resulting in shattering the small bone in my leg... pin and screws and 8 months later I was back on skates. I know exactly how the immobility makes you sad and depressed. So just remember... this is temporary! YOU WILL BE OK! Keep your chin up girl! Positive vibes coming your way!!
    Stella

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  14. That looks so painful! I hope you heal fast!

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  15. My niece, an avid Derby girl -- South Bend Roller Girls, represent! -- posted this on her Facebook page.

    Until this picture, the biggest and most colorful ass associated with Cape Girardeau, MO was Rush Limbaugh. Not any more!

    Best wishes on ass speedy a recovery ass possible.

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  16. Probably was not wearing hip protectors. It annoys me how women get into the sport with really in adequate protective gear. Yeah it's fun and exciting but so many have no idea how seriously they can get injured. Of course I am a little bias after years of seeing naive people get hurt when the injury could have been prevented. I must be getting old. :)

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  17. Hematomas won't cause blood clots. They are congealing blood outside of the veins, inside the skin, hence the big bulbous lump. It'll go very hard, probably numb, you may find it hurts a bit with the impact of taking steps (when you can walk again). Once the damage to the vein wall has healed you shouldn't be at risk of blood clots, and if you've already been to the docs you should be ok. Also, flying is fine.

    Having said that, the last hematoma I had would have been a pimple on the nose of yours, so different rules may apply!! But don't freak out that you'll die or anything :o)

    I found exercise (skating again, hooray) helped speed it dissolving - the circulation increase seemed to be the best thing for it. Expect months to heal - no docs will give you a timeframe, but it won't be quick. 6 months to a year isn't unusual.

    After 72 hours get heat on it to loosen it up, keep it raised if possible so it doesn't just migrate down your leg, and remedial massage was great - freaky as hell at first, but definitely helpful.

    Also - how how HOW did that happen? It's incredible!

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  18. Omfg, I hope your ok... how did this happen... Is there a video of the bout? link?

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  19. To the 'anonymous hip protector lady'- no, I was not wearing hip protectors as they are not required for play. I do wear all the necessary equipment. In fact, I don't know anyone who does wear hip protectors, although I am thinking about them for the future! But next time, please try not to be so snide in your comments, as more people may listen to your advice!

    Rabid Fire- Thank you so much for all the useful information. I AM walking somewhat..from the couch to the bathroom to the bed! And it does sting! The lumpy area is numb to the touch (I can't feel cold, heat) but my entire hip/pelvic area is very very sore. I've been elevating most of the day with ice packs, and I'm getting a little more mobility in the hip. I just already feel so out of shape and weak, and I know that it's going to take a ton of PT to get back to where I was (not that I was that good to begin with), but still....I just feel so...icky! The drs gave me the time frame of "it may take as long as a hip fracture to heal", so nothing concrete. Ugh! I just hate all of this! But thanks to everyone for the positive healing vibes! Keep them coming, cause they're working! I'm already healing much faster than I thought I would!~ Blow Ann

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  20. WOW, it amazes me how positive u r! keep it up that will speed up the process as well. u seem to be very dedicated to ur body as u should b so take it easy before trying to move to quickly. hope all goes well and u make a speedy recovery!

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  21. I'm cringing because just looking at this picture makes me hurt. Ouch!! Soak in a warm bath or whirlpool tub or go swimming to help break up the bruising. Good luck in your recovery! -April

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  22. i just gasped out loud!!! and your still giving the thumbs up! love ya work and never want to feel your pain!!! arrrrgh what can i say......you must be hiding some balls in there somewhere ;) !!!!! get well, Bandsaw Betty
    ((((Derby hugs))))

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  23. o mon dieu!!!! I hesitate to start Roller...but this photo is frightened me!!!! Well, I'm just going to forget it!

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  24. I want to do derby so bad. Waiting till my kids are a lil older or a team forms closer (closest is about 45 min away) and unlike the previous poster. the pic and your story make me wanna do it more!

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  25. Ouch! I had an injury like that in May/June. It developed over several falls and weeks, but got done in during a bout. I had a swollen bursa sac. It was numb for a while. It got painful a week in about 1/3 to 1/2 way through the bruising. That's when I got checked. They did ultrasound me to make sure I didn't have any bloodclots.

    I wore padding for a while, weaned off it after I retrained my body not to fall on the same spot! I got super-tired at a boot camp and landed on it again, so I'm a fan of protection now! ;)

    Hang in there... I care for two 2-year-olds, so I hear your pain!! Research alternating heat and cold therapies. This helped me a lot. I also swear by my chiropractor.

    I was out for over a month and came back slowly, building up my skating over a month or two. I felt like someone doubled "pack speed" when I first came back, but I worked hard and hit a new level after about 6 weeks back. I think my body got some rest it needed, but it remembered a lot of what I'd been learning. (I just marked my first full year with derby a few weeks ago, for an idea of where I'm coming from!) Good luck! LOTS of healing to you.
    Kali

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  26. I have a spongy mass on my ass from a hematoma I got snowboarding about 10 years ago. You will have the numb, spongy spot forever!!!! It's cool, tho, it's just your body's way of giving you padding you weren't wearing before! Hahaha, fast healing and hope your bubble butt becomes an old friend someday. Time to give it a name... you, "Sponge Pants", him, "Square Bob"?

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  27. oh jaysus! I definitely agree with the advice to ELEVATE as much as possible. I had a similar deep bruise on my shin (not NEARLY as big as yours!), and it took a month to travel down to my foot, which then swelled too big to fit into any of my shoes. And I still have the numb lump, too.

    Best wishes for a speedy recovery! At least you can show this pic to anyone who thinks derby isn't a real sport.

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  28. Do have a follow up with your doctor to make sure everything is ok. There can be complications any time you have bruise that big and swollen.

    Epsom Salts are your friend so soak in a nice really warm bath of them and you won't be sorry. It's good to soak in them even if you don't have a giant bruise.

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  29. ONE HECK OF A BRUSE,I FEEL FOR YOU..REST AND TAKE IT E-Z BUT DO GET BACK ON THOSE SKATES..BEST OF HEALING TO YOU

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  30. blow ann, you are a bad ass! i remember seeing the fall that cased this and thinking "oh, damn, that's gonna hurt!" i had no idea it would make you a derby legend! i hope you're feeling better!

    xoxo, evilyn

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  31. I have had bruises like that on my buttocks many times when my grand parents spanked me repeatedly with a stick. I now have permanent discoloration in that area and no feeling. It is a good thing if I am going to get spanked or whipped, but a bad thing if I sit on something I shouldn't, because the object can stay lodged with out being noticed for a long time. The skin discoloration was discovered at the hospital when I had vericous vein surgery, and they filed a report on me and I was labled as "Victim Of Abuse", which bans me from registering pets, adopting children, teaching, medical work, working anywhere where there is children, care giving, or being an employer or manager. Due to me being a victim of abuse, the state is afraid that I could abuse others, so they put these bans on me. I cannot remarry because of that if something were to happen to my wife.

    I am glad the bruising came from an accident rather than abuse. Good luck

    Rodney Calmes (rodneycalmes@yahoo.com)

    P. S. - Feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions.

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  32. Ouch! Not much more to say but.... wowsers!!!!!

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  33. OMG that's horrible! How long did it take to go away? A year?

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  34. You must have super-strong bones, girl! You'll have the strength you need to get through this. You can't have such strong bones without having a strong spirit. Derby love.

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  35. does that not hurt?!?!?:E

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