Monday, September 28, 2009

South Central Tournament - Day 3

Memphis 73, W.Texas 45 at half.

Memphis 134
West Texas 82

47 - 36 Atlanta leads at half

 Nashville Beard Guy questions the merits of various enemy locales.

Atlanta Etiquette Person questions Nashville Beard Guy's upbringing.

(Not pictured:  Nashville Beard Guy mooning Atlanta Etiquette Person.)

Atlanta 122
Nashville 66

Houston 113
Dallas 101

Texas 153
Kansas City 70

Players and fans celebrate at the tournament's end.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

WFTDA South Central Regionals - Day 2

 Day one of South Central regionals followed in the footsteps of the Eastern regionals, giving spectators a steady diet of spectacular blowouts.  This has mostly become par for the course on day one of the regional tournaments.  But as lower ranked teams are eliminated and teams are theoretically closer in skill levels, day 2 has generally been competitive and has given us some excellent roller derby to watch.  So the Southern Fried Smackdown would no doubt give us some closer scores and a couple of exciting nailbiters, right?

Nope, they went like this


At the half Nashville leads West Texas 100 - 25

Nashville 212
West Texas 49

Atlanta leading Memphis 36-25. Memphis time out

Atlanta 190
Memphis 77

No Coast 110
Tampa Bay 127

140 - 10 Texicutioners lead DDD at half.
(Editor's note: At this point I texted back asking if Texas is using baseball bats this weekend.)

278 - 15 this is brutal

Dallas 19
Texas 288

Houston 56
Kansas City 118

Saturday, September 26, 2009

South Central Regional Day 1

The WFTDA brought their road show to Atlanta this weekend just as Tlaloc the Aztec rain god finally decided to stop trying to turn Georgia into a giant koi pond. Which way is sorta too bad because if the rain had continued, the pregame referee meeting would have been awesome.

Johnny Roastbeef, Major Wood and Maxx Chaos discuss the 20-fathom rule.

Sadly we have had to settle for rollerskates instead of jetskis but one way or the other, rollerderby is being played.  50% of the Derby Helper staff is onsite this weekend but due to Jessticular Fortitude's extensive involvement working as an NSO, she won't be reporting in until Sunday nights hangover subsides, which knowing Jess should happen on about Wednesday.  Thankfully for us, eRacer X from the Dixie Derby Girls will be sending in reports via text message throughout the weekend.  Enjoy!

(all times EDST)

No Coast 109
West Texas 79

Memphis 105
Tampa Bay 229

45 - 0 texas right now.
Nashville's jammer having a hard time getting thru.

117 - 0 still no nashville score

Nashville fans show their belligerance and awesome facial hair

132 - 0 at the half.  :(

Nashville 23
Texas 207

Hard knocks Houston 57 - No coast lincoln ne 10.
8 minutes to go in period 1

Half score: 93 - 14.

No Coast 45
Houston 183

Tampa Bay 77
Kansas City 198

Dallas 122
Atlanta 91

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Stalker's Last Word

I may possibly have implied in the last post that alcohol was a factor in delaying Stalker Channing's wrap-up message from the Brawl of America. Now that her response has arrived, I officially retract that implication. If her first sentence proves one thing, it's that it definitely wasn't alcohol.


dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood....i was getting there....
so, in the second half, madison started playing their game, and while the effort was valiant, WCR was just too damn fast. srsly, fastest game ever. in the end, however, madison is thrilled to be going to nationals, and everyone (myself included) went to O'Gara's for the after party.

i also appreciated the windy city fans that stole a local st. paul mayoral candidate's yard sign which read "eva for mayor" and doctored it up to show some love to WCR's Eva Dead. no pics were taken so no one gets in trouble ;-)

at the after party: a guns and roses cover band, reidell giveaways, and more booze that you can shake a fish at (???) ensured that a good time was had by all.

in the end, MNRG put on a helluva tournament. And I think the level of competition from the North Central region has gotten the derby world to wake up and watch :-)

Congrats to everyone this weekend! And thanks for letting me blather on, Derby Helper!
Much derby love,


You can blather for us any time Stalkypants, derby smoochies to you! (Which, of course, is a punch in the arm.)

2 great weekends of roller derby down, two more to go. The Derby Helper staff finally makes its first physical appearance at regionals this coming weekend when Jessticular Fortitude puts on her hip waders and sloshes her way to the Southern Fried Smackdown in spectacularly flooded Atlanta, Georgia.

On the bright side, blockers will water ski behind a racing boat and jammers will try to weave through them on jet skis, which will be the single most awesome thing to happen in Atlanta since the Olympics.  Or Coke Zero, it's a close call.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Day 3 recap from the WFTDA North Central Regionals

It's the third and final entry by NSRG's Stalker Channing as she takes time out of a crazy weekend of bouting, supporting and hopefully drinking to bring you coverage from the Brawl of America in Minneapolis, MN.  Best stalker ever.


Bout for 9th/10th
This has been a pretty evenly matched game, with a close score the entire time. A large crowd out here at the Roy to cheer on MNRG against GRRG. MNRG was able to hold on to the lead.

Grand Raggidy 75
Minnesota 91

Wow! NSRG had a commanding lead on ARRG from the beginning! NSRG played a fast game and held the front of the pack for some amazing defense to keep the first half at 51-8 for the first half.

ARRG brought it the second half, and getting lead jammer and splitting up NSRG's wall of blockers to bring up (and outscore) NSRG in the 2nd half, but it wasn't enough to pull out a win. A tough game for all but a great game!

North Star 85
Arch Rivals 43

Cincy and Detroit has been a tough bout. Cincy was down 73-18 in the half. They've been bringing it the second half, but a sextuple power jam for Detroit increased the lead by 30 points. Sister Slitcha got 10 and passed the star to Racer McChaser who got 20!

Cinncy was unable to make up the deficit and Detroit goes to Nationals!!

Cincinnati 62
Detroit 126

Windy City and Madison going on right now. BRUTAL game...10 mins in and it's 46-1. Ouch. Mouse just had a crazy hit against WCR jammer...

In the time it took me to take a pic...56-3 but Madison got lead jammer. 18 to go.

Madison 56
Windy City 150


Stalker's updates cut off entirely at this point, coincidentally right at the time when everyone should have been heading to the afterparty. I don't know exactly why she was unable to send a wrapup post...

...but something tells me that the Derby Helper staff would have approved.  Thanks Stalker!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

WFTDA North Central Regionals Day 2

Stalker Channing's Day 2 recap of the WFTDA North Central Regionals. Enjoy!



Awesome start to Day 2. The friendly cross-town rivalry between MNRG and NSRG was the loudest bout yet. NSRG got a big lead after the first few jams, but MNRG closed the gap and it was a tight game after that, with MNRG only getting lead once the entire game. Both fans cheered on the teams, and NSRG was able to keep their lead for the win! It was such an exciting game, my girlfriend had a panic attack...

Backstage, Moxie's sister in law came back and was smothered in hugs by the league. MNRG presented her with some lovely flowers. Again, the support from other leagues has been amazing and the Supernovas feel so lucky to have the support of such a wonderful league and fans.

North Star  76
Minnesota  61

The next game? Arch Rival just rolled over Grand Raggidy. Effectively shutting down their jammers and racking up the points.

But, it's international Talk like a Pirate Day, so here are some pics!

Grand Raggidy  26
Arch Rivals        141

OMG!!!!! It was a close game, with Burning River leading. In the last jam, Brew City got the points they needed to eek out a win...or so we thought! Burning River got 2 points for a TIE GAME!!! Overtime allowed BCB to pull out a win in arguably the most exciting game so far!

Burning River 116
Brewcity          126

Cincy is having a tough time against Windy City...more later.

Windy is dominating this game, but I can hear cowbells from Mama Sac and Sadie's moms, cheering the girls on!!

Forgot to mention BEST part of BCN v Burning River - Carrie A Hacksaw passed the effing star during the overtime jam. CRAZY!!  BCB is still feeling a little surreal about their win, but decided that the best part of playing for 7th is that is was the Happy Hour Bout - those teams get to start partying NOW! The rest of us are behaving.
Cincy putting up a valiant fight - they're playing a good game, but WCR is just proving unbeatable.  5 to go - 155 to 27.

Cincinnati   36
Windy City 163
Cincy to play for 3rd against the loser of this next bout!
Ready for Madison v Detroit!!

We're 8 minutes into Detroit v Madison and it's 8-6 Detroit. Going to be a close game!!!  Val Capone says she thinks this and the MNRG/NSRG games have had the biggest crowds tonight!

Tied at the half!!! Back and forth between Madison and Detroit. Great matchup. WOW!!!

Intense game! Detroit pulling away. They're getting lead jammer and putting up some crazy defense...Madison's not giving in yet!!

Darling Nikki and Jewels hauling ass!!!Nikki put up a great jam and then took a huge hit to the chest that got the medics out. Looks like the wind got knocked outta her. She laughed from the track and we knew she was okay.  Jewels had an amazing run that pulled them into the lead, sailing through untouched.

Madison up! The intensity is amazing. Best bout of the day.  Scott of Madison is tracking points near me. 6 minutes left, he's got 48 jams on his sheet! This is an amazingly fast game!

Jewels gets 15 points! 5 before Detroit got sent to the box, then power jam!!!

Jewels sent to the box during the last jam!!! Racer only able to pick up a few more...
Detroit    95
Madison 107
and Madison going to Nationals!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

The Show Goes On - WFTDA North Central Regionals Day 1

 Once again, something awesome is happening in the world of rollerderby and the derbyhelper staff is too busy doing community service to fulfill the judge's sentence to be there.  Thankfully, Stalker Channing of the Northstar Roller Girls has agreed to be the eyes and ears of Derby Helper at the Brawl of America. 


I'm getting ready to head to the Roy for the first game. North Star Roller Girls in a rematch with the Brew City Bruisers. It's going to be a day full of derby, but NSRG hearts are saddened by the tragic loss of our friend and league-mate, Moxie Mayhem, who died after being struck by a car while walking her 3 month old daughter, Zoe, in a stroller just yesterday. Zoe survived with barely a scratch.

Our league found out at about 10 pm last night and some of our skaters, as well as the MNRG and Brawl of America staff, worked into the wee hours to make sure we can honor her properly today. The Supernovas will be wearing pink ribbons in her honor and there will be a moment of silence at our game this morning. We are setting up an online fund for donations to her family on my league's website and will have a basket for donations at our booth.

I promise the rest of my updates will be happier.

(Stalker played in bout 1, hence the long gap in updates.)

Brewcity 140
North Star 113

Grand Raggidy 66
Burning River 130

Currently watching WCR v. MNRG. MNRG hasn't even made double digits in the first half, but are putting up a good fight.

Attached is a pic of MNRG's Superfans - 2 sisters who travel to all their bouts.

More to come! Sorry I missed Burning River v. Grand Raggidy, but HUGE upset with #10 overtaking the #7 seed.

My fave seats at the Roy - Section 203!

MNRG hits double digits with a 5 point jam by Mitzi Massacre.

Minnesota  25
Windy City 155

Looks like the two hometown rivals will be playing the first game tomorrow! First time we've met officially in Minnesota!!!

Fans line the track to congratulate the WCR. Malice doing push ups. Not sure why....penalty related, perhaps?

Canadian announcer reminds us it's the 6.1m rule instead of 20 ft rule.

BCB fans cheering them on against Madison. 92 to 18 with 10 to go.

Brewcity 56
Madison 199


Vendor area

Quarterboy of Grand Raggidy went to the hospital with a wrist injury, but it looks like she's coming back!

2 upsets and 2 blowouts. It's an exciting day at the Roy! We'll see what happens with Detroit and Burning River coming up.

Mini donuts!!
and black eyes for charity!
Minnesotans know how to party!!

Blow out #3 - Detroit over Burning River - who put up a helluva fight!

On to Arch Rival v. Cincinnati with my derby crush, Sadistic Sadie...

Burning River   44
Detroit             138

Best uniform evar

Allie Gator of Madison Dairyland Dolls

Best s/o shirt evar. She's from my league. Hilarious.

Wasn't looking so good for Arch Rival, but they're pulling a good come back. Can they pull it off in time?!?!

Awesome power jam for Arch Rival...51 seconds left and it's a 7 point game.
Exciting finish to the first day of Brawl of America! Cincy holds onto their lead.

Arch Rivals 86
Cincinnati    94

One last thing. Brawl of America tweeted that 692 tickets were scanned at the door! That doesn't include any derby girls or amazing show of support for derby.

Here's hoping tomorrow's even better. Starts out with the crosstown rivalry between the #8NC North Star Roller Girls and the #6NC Minnesota Rollergirls! Should be a treat for our fans who have been waiting for a game like this.

And also, thanks to everyone for their thoughts and well wishes today. We've had an outpouring of condolences for Moxie and her family from all over the derby world. It truly is amazing and humbling. Thank you to everyone who has donated to the fund for Zoe.


Thanks a ton Stalker! If any of you in the Derby Helper audience happen to have the chance, buy her the beer and give her the hug that we wish we could.

Friday, September 18, 2009

A Loss in All of Our Family

Roller derby is unique amongst all sports I have ever been involved with in that for 60 minutes it encourages you to kick someones arse but immediately afterward it bonds you together so that you end up laughing together, hugging, buying each other adult beverages, swapping phone numbers and friending each other on Facebook. It's like having a giant family all over the world that you hadn't had a chance to meet until they put on skates and knocked you on your butt. That family connection is proving itself right now because I'm actually sitting here wiping a tear out of my right eye as I report to you that tragedy has struck the North Star Rollergirls on the eve of what should have been their proudest, happiest moment. Yesterday, NSRG league member and Delta Delta Di intraleague team skater Stacey Morgan, aka Moxie Mayhem was walking her 3 month old daughter in a stroller when she was struck by a car and killed. Her daughter Zoe reportedly survived with barely a scratch.

Please keep her family and her league-sisters in your thoughts and prayers today. A lot of people in Minneapolis have to try to shake off the loss of a loved one and do their jobs hosting the WFTDA North Central Regional Championship all weekend. Despite the the pain, they know that the show must go on. I know they're strong and I know they'll step up and do a great job. The bouts will go on, teams will give their all on the floor, national berths will be won and the weekend will be a success. But even as this continues throughout the weekend, I know I speak for everyone in the roller derby world when I say that all of us feel like we lost a family member, even though we hadn't had a chance to meet her yet.

A fund has been setup by the North Star Rollergirls for Moxie Mayhem's daughter Zoe at 

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Enter Our Roller Derby Tattoo Contest

You love roller derby so much that you gave a 53-yr old overweight biker a months rent to jab you with a needle seventy five thousand times in order to permanently disfigure your epidermis with a rollerskate or your skater number or the date you and your derby wife took the vows of holy derby matrimony. Now you can share that derby love with the whole world by sending us a picture of your roller derby ink! Here's the submission info.

To enter, send us an email with:
  • A .jpeg of your tattoo (must be rollerderby-related)
  • Your derby name and league(s)
  • An explanation of the tattoo (if needed, this is optional)
Send the email to us at by October 5th, 2009 and prepare yourself for worldwide acclaim!

(And if your derby wife is the one who has an amazing derby tattoo, don't let the fact that it's on her ass stop you from submitting it for her without her knowledge or consent!  She'll secretly be thankful the whole time she is punching you.)

Monday, September 14, 2009

Dru's Eastern Regionals Day 3 Recap

 A CCRG fan proclaims her love for Just Carol
It's been 17+ hours since the last bout ended, 13 hours since the club made everyone leave, and about 12 hours since I went to bed and I still don't know how to describe what I saw last night. At least to a point that will convey the intensity and electricity of every second of two entire bouts of derby. Let's just say, the derby junkie in me is considering unemployment if it means going to Nationals...

The day started with the last two of the consolation bracket bouts. No real surprises, two more bouts, two more lopsided scores. Again, though, every skater gave her all and played a full sixty minutes. The third bout of the day, however, changed things up a bit. A men's bout was held and it was interesting first for me. The bout was an intense, close-scoring affair and set the tone for the rest of the night perfectly. A team comprised of skaters from Harm City Homicide and The Dirty Dozen took on a squad mixing NY Shock Exchange and Connecticut Death Quads.

After watching Charm City's Joy Collision go down with a series-ending knee injury and the team's refusal to let that stop them, I was not at all surprised at how hard they played to start their match versus Boston. What did surprise me, though, was the intensity of that resolve after losing Flo Shizzle during the first half. Being down two of your best jammers and pushing harder than before is an incredible feat. Just Carol of Charm City gets my vote for MVP of this tournament. She kept things going when others would have quit, helping her team almost erase a 40+ point deficit. The team as whole took advantage of miscues and penalties up until the final jam of the game, when Boston made it's only serious mistake. Is there any reason for a jammer to not call of a jam when the game clock is at 0, you have lead, and you're winning? If so, please let me know. Boston took LJ, but for some unknown reason, continued to play after game time expired. Their jammer took a penalty, and thus a trip to the box. This gave Just Carol a power jam Charm City desperately needed. Unfortunately for Charm City, there wasn't quite enough time left on the clock and Boston got the berth at Nationals they've been denied the last two years. Skilled play and text book precision will make them a formidable opponent to whomever they draw first at Nationals.

After watching an entire bout of two teams playing as close to perfect derby as can possibly be played, what could top it? How about the last jam being the derby version of a game winning home run? A bottom of the ninth, 3-2 count, blast over the center field wall at home. Against a team that hasn't lost in roughly two years. I saw that home run, my friend, and it was incredible!! There are scoring summaries aplenty available, if you want them. All I can say is this: I never thought I'd see two teams, so deep with talent, skate so fast for so long and slug it out to the very end. And surely, I'd never see the losing team so happy for the winning team. Both teams put on displays of sportsmanship that should be used as examples everywhere.

Philly and their hard-won trophies.

As for the after parties, well, what happens at derby stays at derby. I can say that the hosting club went above and beyond their obligations and let the girls dance on for an hour after closing. Skaters from all leagues joined in to celebrate the end of an incredible Eastern Regionals tournament. Hopefully, I may even remember some of it later

Until next time,

Dru Blood

(Editor's wrap: Thanks a ton Dru! On behalf of everyone like me who wanted to be there, we appreciate you taking the time to give us a feel for how things went in Raleigh.  I'm not sure why it took so long to submit your report...
...but I'm sure you must have had a good reason.)

Tune in Friday for reports from North Central Regionals in Minnesota!

No Information (and why that's sort of a good thing)

First off, a medical tip from Derby Helper. Got constipation today? No problem, just watch a replay of yesterday's Eastern Region championship bout between Philly and Gotham. I guarantee that you'll crap your pants at the moment that they declare "no lead jammer" in the final jam of a one point game. The bout was so back and forth all game that it was fitting that my comments during the last jam were, in order:
Gotham put it away.
NO! Philly got it back, they're going to win it!
NO! 2 for Gotham, they pulled it out!
HOLY F$@*, Philly got a pass and bonus point with 3 seconds left! And I just ruined my best pajamas!
I don't have a recap from Dru for Day 3 yet, just this one blurry jubilant photo:

This may seem like a bad thing but I think it's awesome.  First off, the picture captures something about the moving, crackling energy in that room in the moments after the best bout I have ever seen.  Secondly, the lack of a detailed report tells me that the afterparty lived up to the standard that was set by the bout.  If there had been a nice long writeup in my inbox this morning, it would have been an indication of a ho-hum yawner.  Good afterparties should always be far more incapacitating to the people than the actual bout and I prefer to think that Dru is just now waking up pantless, covered with shaving cream and detailed drawings of genitalia done with black sharpies.  (Disclaimer: I have no reason to think this is actually true.  However if it is, someone please send me the picture for use in tomorrow's post.)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Dru's Eastern Regionals Day 2 Recap

Philly's Elle Viento

The biggest perk to volunteering for a derby tournament is all the free derby you can handle. The down side is actually doing the work you're assigned. I spent the first two bouts today working the CRG merch booth, which is currently overflowing with our regular assortment of merchandise but also everything tourney-related. I had a good view, as the booth is on the main floor, but the matches picked up where they left off yesterday with nothing but tilted scores. The skaters, much like yesterday, refused to quit. They showed nothing but tenacity and heart, letting the entire country know that the East will never be an easy place to play.

The single biggest surprise to me, and a few others, are the Steel City Derby Demons. Their story is new to me, and mostly everyone since they're quite the young league, but they're turning heads every where they go. With equal parts size, speed, and crafty jamming, they're putting together some impressive bouts, all without the luxury of a home rink. Derby fans everywhere would be wise to keep an eye on this league.

The highlight of the derby schedule today was the Charm City/Philly bout. The first thirty minutes were some of the finest derby I've ever seen. Charm City showed why they're quickly moving up the DNN power rankings. Unfortunately, they lack the experience a team like Philly has, and it hurt them. The Liberty Belles came out swinging at the start of the second period and never let up. Charm City kept plugging away, but could never get a grasp on things like they had in the first half. If they can take third tomorrow, they've more than earned their berth at Nationals.
Suzy Hotrod flying around the track

Two days and one after party down, one day of derby to go!

(Editor's question: Does she mean roller derby or weed?)

(Editor's question: Huh?)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Dru's recap of Eastern Regionals Day 1

Derby Helper correspondent Dru Blood spent yesterday the way I should have: sober.  No, he spent it watching Eastern Regionals and here is his recap of Day 1.

As I wait for today's pictures to upload and review the tournament brackets for tomorrow, a song lyric keeps running through my head: you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather.  We're one day in and things are nothing at all like I thought they'd be.  This is my first major derby tournament; first attended, first I helped in the planning of, first everything.  It's been a long, long day...
I arrived at Dorton Arena around 9:30 this morning, to see the d├ęcor done to the theme of the Wizard of Oz.  It is, after all, Wicked Wheels of the East.  After setting up the track, I began wandering around, helping fix little problems here and there.  So much goes into something like this, you never realize it until you have to help do it yourself.

 The first bout set an interesting tone for the rest of the day.  The first period set an interesting tone, with DC coming out with a slim lead, but setting up what looked to be a very good second half.  What came next was the start of a long, high-scoring day.  The sheer scoring in the bouts that followed was incredible, but they don't really reflect how the game was played.   At points, I'd wonder why there's no mercy rule only to have the losing team pull off an incredible jam.  The skaters never gave up, never stopped playing.  The dedication and love the skaters have for their sport never fails to impress me.  It's why their fans traveled from all points of the Eastern seaboard, from Boston on south.

I had wanted to try and highlight the top performers from each team, but really that's impossible.  Even though things were grim at times, every skater on every team gave all she had and earned every bit of applause they received.

Thanks Dru!