Upset Mania! Declaration of Derby - Day 2

Once again bringing you a wrapup of the days events at the WFTDA Nationals, it's everyone's favorite crotch, Crotch Rock-It!
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Oh. My. God. Today completely made up for Friday's lack of surprises, as half of today's six bouts resulted in upsets when two number-one seeds and a favored number-two seed lost their chance at the Hydra. I'll leave the play-by-play action to Justice Feelgood Marshall at Derby News Network, but I will give you my impressions on each of these intense bouts.


QUARTERFINALS

Boston showed everyone today that they are a team on the rise as they played very competively against Texas. The Massacre had a rough time in the first half as they trailed 60-26, but they actually outscored Texas 46-41 in the second half to lose by a respectable 111-72. Some may argue that Texas was saving themselves for the semifinals, but I've never heard of the Texacutioners doing anything less than racking up as many points as possible against their foes. Even though this was the only matchup in the quarterfinals that went as I expected, Boston will be a team to look out for next season.

Philly vs. Rocky Mountain. Now here is where things get interesting folks. I find it a bit ironic that Philly entered the track to the Rocky theme song, because tonight was certainly Rocky's night to shine. For the first 16 minutes of the bout, they completely shut down Philly's offense and led 28-3. Philly was finally able to start putting a few points up as the score reached 65-44 to Rocky at the half. Then Philly finally realized that the Hydra wasn't going to just be handed to them as a gift from the derby gods for beating Gotham a few months ago and for hosting this whole shindig. They kicked it in gear and lead for some of the second half but as the bout drew to a close, they were tied at 111. I've never seen an overtime jam before, and this one was quite thrilling to watch, but unfortunately for Philly, it didn't end as well for them as it did in Regionals, as Rocky was able to score a grand slam and put the game away, 128-121. Rocky's cinderella hopes were still alive.

Next up was Windy City vs. Denver. I was really looking forward to watching Windy beat the snot out of Denver, as was most of the audience, but alas, it was not to be. Denver continued with the excruciating-to-watch strategy of taking smoke breaks on the track, and I was horrified that Windy fell into the trap just as badly as KC did, falling behind 101-52 at halftime. Windy was able to close the gap later on, but couldn't seal the deal as Denver held on to win it 157-125. I'm gonna take a moment to editorialize here, because it's my blog and I'll say whatever the hell I want. Plus, that's what blogs are for. I hope that Denver's slow pack strategy of often stopping and sometimes even going backwards, dies a slow and painful death in the bowels of derby hell. Nobody likes to watch it, and I don't give a rat's ass if it is effective sometimes, as it was for Denver twice (note that I didn't say three times!!!) in the tournament. Any sport is ultimately about pleasing the fans, and the fans all voted tonight with deafening boos directed towards Denver. Mile High ladies, I've got nothing against y'all personally, but please cut that shit out.

A halftime show highlighting all that was wrong with the 80's

The final bout of the quarterfinals pitted Gotham against Oly. I was impressed with Gotham last night, but I was floored by Oly tonight as they slammed the door on Gotham's hopes for a title repeat and forever shut up the naysayers that they were just a bunch of speed skaters who couldn't play derby. This bout was everything the WC/Denver bout wasn't: fast, physical, fun mutha-f'ing derby! They exchanged blows and the lead for an entire 60 minutes, but in the end Oly pulled what I consider to be an upset with a 136-105 win. As I watched this bout progress, I couldn't help but feel that a torch was being passed. As Gotham has lost two out of their last three, Oly is now the standard-bearer. Oly is the new Gotham. Oly is for real folks. Be very afraid, especially you, Denver!!!

SEMIFINALS

Rocky Mountain is another up-and-comer like Boston that everyone should beware of next season, but Texas showed that they deserve a shot to bring the Hydra home to Austin by turning Rocky's cinderalla hopes into rags, a pumpkin, and a bunch of mice. Rocky stayed in the hunt for the first half, trailing only 76-49, but the Texacutioners pulled away in the second and finished ahead 139-82. DeRanged and Psycho Babble are a great addition to Rocky, but Texas frustrated the hell out of them to the point where DeRanged actually took a swing at the back of a Texas helmet, and she was rewarded with an expulsion and suspension from the consolation bout tomorrow. As DeRanged was escorted off the track, Psycho Babble looked mutinous, but her bench coach was able to calm her down enough to finish the bout. It's a shame that hot tempers cast a shadow on an otherwise stellar tournament season for Rocky, and they may have their hands full tomorrow against Denver without DeRange's help.

The final bout of the night was Oly vs. Denver. This was an immensely fun bout to watch as Oly made a laughingstock of Denver's previously successful strategy. Every time Denver attempted to stop the pack, Oly's ridiculously fast and agile jammers just whipped right on by and thanked Denver for making their job so easy. Eventually Denver gave up going slow and were forced to go at Oly's preferred high pack speed. Oly cruised to an easy 178-91 victory and earned a spot in tomorrow's championship bout. I said originally that I hoped Texas wins the Hydra, and I still do, but I wouldn't mind one bit if Oly won either, because they are a stellar team and a complete package now that they have their pack strategy down and have mostly sorted out their previous penalty issues. Plus, Hazmat and I both have a derby crush on Atomatrix now. I can't wait to see two of the most entertaining teams in all derbydom duke it out for the championship tomorrow!!!

Declaration of Derby - Day 1

Your guest correspondent for the WFTDA National Tournament is Crotch Rock-It from Red Stick Roller Derby.  We hope that you enjoy your Crotch. 
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This morning we woke up early enough to get all the requisite touristy crap out of the way before the tournament started. So we walked about a mile to the historic district and saw the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. After getting our fill of history, we went to the Reading Terminal Market and stuffed ourselves with yummy cheesesteak.

After lunch, it was derby time! The first day's bouts involved all of the 2nd and 3rd ranked teams, and while there was lots of great derby, there weren't any big surprises as I managed to correctly pick all four of the opening bouts. The first bout, Madison vs. Boston, was the most competitive and entertaining of the day. Boston gained an early lead and seemed to be taking control, but Madison stormed back and took the lead about halfway through the first half and held on until halftime, Madison 76, Boston 62. The second half was more of the same as the teams swapped leads several times, but the Massacre was able to pull out a narrow 104-96 victory.


The second bout was Rocky Mountain vs. Houston. Rocky shocked everyone in the West Regionals by coming out of nowhere and claiming 2nd place in the tournament. Today they proved that they deserve to be here by pummelling Houston for 60 minutes straight. By halftime, they were up 142-5, and by the time the dust had settled, Houston was staring at the wrong end of a 239-46 blowout. Even though Houston has a ways to go to become competitive with the top tier teams, I give them credit for giving it their all the entire bout.

Next up was Denver vs. Kansas City, and I've got to say that this was the most irritating bout I've ever watched, and the frequent boos from the crowd back me up on this. Denver seemed to be confusing the pivot line for a water cooler, because they hung out there for a while at the start of almost every jam. I half expected them to break out some cigarettes and start puffing away right there on the track. I've never seen such a slow-paced, frequently stopped pack before. But to Denver's credit, it seemed to be working for them, as they were ahead comfortably for most of the first half. KC had gained some momentum with a 20 point powerjam with about 9:00 left in the half that brought them within 10 points, but Denver then countered with a few 20+ point powerjams themselves to go up 100-49 at halftime. The second half continued the trend of players stopping for power naps on the track, and Denver cruised to a 175-89 victory. The high point of the bout was when KC called a timeout with 1 second left. Then they put their big bruiser Eclipse in as jammer for the first time that night. Denver tried their usual tricks, but I could almost hear Eclipse humming the song "Move bitch! Get out the way!" as she repeatedly brushed Denver's blockers aside to score 15 points. Perhaps KC should've tried that strategy sooner.

The final bout of the night was Gotham vs. Detroit. There's not much to say about it. Gotham did what they do best, win convincingly. They were up 86-25 at the half, and the lead had grown to 187-38 by the time the final whistle blew. I've never seen any of these teams in person before except Boston, and Gotham really impressed me out of all of them. This win earns them a spot against Oly in Saturday's quarterfinals, and I'd wager that it will be the most anticipated bout tomorrow, as Oly attempts to prove once and for all that they are the real deal. A win against mighty Gotham would do just that. I can't wait!

The Calm Before the Derby Storm

Thursday morning I excitedly started packing my suitcase to prepare for the drive to Philadelphia to watch the WFTDA National Tournament. Then I remembered that my police ankle monitor would immediately notify my parole officer. So instead, images and observations on this weekend's quest for the Hydra Trophy will be brought to you by a referee and derby lover from Baton Rouge Louisiana's Red Stick Roller Derby. Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for Crotch Rock-It. Take it away, Crotch!
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If the saying is true that “roller derby saved my soul,” then today I’m making a pilgrimage to the Mecca of derby, the WFTDA Nationals tournament. This weekend I get to watch the 12 most badass groups of wheeled women on earth beat the hell out of each other for fame, glory, and love of the sport. God, I love roller derby.

There has been much speculation about who’s gonna take home the Hydra trophy this year, so I’ll throw in my $0.02. If I were a betting man, I’d have to go with Philly for two reasons. One, they are the host team and will be enjoying the home crowd advantage. Two, at Eastern Regionals they did what some thought was impossible by flinging a stone square into the temple of the Goliath of the sport, Gotham . If they can maintain the momentum gathered at Regionals, Philly will be a tough team to take down.

But, my heart lies with my South Central sisters, Houston and Texas . Houston admittedly has a tough row to hoe, taking on the West upstarts Rocky Mountain , and then facing Philly should they manage to survive their first bout. Texas , on the other hand, has a much better shot at winning it all. They are the Virgin Mary of the sport, having birthed the current incarnation of flat track derby way back at the beginning of the decade. (Am I going to hell for all of these non-PC religious references?) They are clearly at the top of their game right now and would love to take home the trophy named after one of their founding members. Go TXRG!

Anyway, it's 1:00am Thursday night right now, and I've finally landed in Philly. Me and my better half Hazmat are sitting in a taxi headed to the hotel next to the convention center so we can crash and be ready for tomorrow. Goodnight!

Crotch Rockit

Red Stick Roller Derby