Sunday, August 16, 2009

Derby Names Nobody Should Use

Rollerderby names are one of the most fun things about the sport. But choosing the right name requires a delicate mix of creativity and judgement. Just because you thought of something that amused you at the time doesn't mean that you should take it on as a new identity for the world and your sainted grandmother to see. So for you new members of the roller derby family, here are some names to avoid using

Ped Ophelia
DiaRhea Perlman
Candida Brawlbicans (Don't get it? Click here and hope you don't.)
Slut Tard
Chubby Chicker
Barbara's Bush
PMS 24/7 - 365
Mammoth Cave
Typhoid Tranny
Lice Lice Rabies
Betty Poop
Aqua Vulva
Raging Cock (Oops, that one is real.)

Mongol Lloyd
Silent Flaccidity
Buster Cherry
Harry Armpits
Premature Eject-Elation
Hal Itosis
E. Wreck Tyldisfunction
Weird Al Spankabitch (Oops, some dumbass is using that one.)

The Boston Bordelo
The Hanover Hangover
The Silapy Seconds
The Daisies of Love
The Fairbanks Furries (although the team uniform would be awesome...)
The Southside Crabs
The Hudson Valley Horrors (Oops, that one is real.)

There's plenty more names out there waiting to destroy budding derby lives. Help your derby family prosper by posting your nominations in the comments.

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  1. I must say, I like Mongol Loyd.

    Worst name- Lou Kemia (a coach already has this name)

    Maybe Emma Roid.

  2. But Pia Mess 24/7 used to skate for Rat City...

  3. Sioux Falls, SD has a ref using the name Busta Hymen. :-)

  4. Buster Hyman is actually from Minneapolis, and he's a bit of a sideshow. You know, the refs outfits shouldn't distract viewers from the actual bout :)

  5. If you're referring to the roman centurion-esque plume on his helmet, that is a tame example of refs dressing up. You've obviously never been to a detroit bout.

  6. I'd like a skater to be named "Whomp Whomp" so everytime she got a penalty you could go, "Aww, green, Whomp Whomp, back blocking major"

    Also, somebody should go by "Damnit." "Pink! Damnit! Forearm!"

  7. segorney beaver is a really good one for anyone brave enough.

  8. Also, somebody should go by "Damnit." "Pink! Damnit! Forearm!" - Jessticular Fortitude

    I know a skater named Damnit Girl.

    I also, unfortunately, know a skater named Daterape Dawn.

  9. Hahaha, love it! You came up with all these don'ts? You are AWESOME!

  10. There's a skater from Hellions of Troy whose name is Kitty Porn. Someone from my league thought of Secret Cervix, but no one is using it.

  11. My home league had a couple of Fresh Meat groups who were cleared for league membership before their names went through the master roster, so instead of officially giving them their real derby name before it was official by the roster, the gal in charge came up with the idea of giving everyone embarassing temporary names. Pussy Foot, VaJayJay, Casey Dilla, the Baconator... there were many more and many worse. Some of these may have to be used in the future.

  12. What about "Derby Sanchez?"

  13. When I joined, some of the girls tried to talk me into Sohorney Beaver, there always pushing that name with no takers. lol

  14. My friend wanted to do something related to her name (Katy), so we kept pressuring her to choose "Defi-Kate". She didn't. Madness.

  15. So I totally thought of this blog post when I saw this name on the twoevil's roster:

    Ray Pist - Calgary Roller Derby Association

    Yeeeeeeshh. Not a fan of that one.

  16. I came up with a few..
    Ref Names:
    Obiwan kanblowme
    Harry Cameltoe
    Big Chief Slap-Ahoe

    Princess Mono-Stat #7

  17. There's been a Sigourney Beaver (#9") with Fabulous Sin City Rollergirls for something like two or three years. Wunnerful person, though she tends to get you odd looks if you call her "Beave" or "Beaver" at a bar.

    I ran into her at her job, and needless to say I had to stop and think of her real name.

  18. Retox Fox, Silicon Valley Roller GirlsFebruary 4, 2010 at 6:30 PM

    Pia Mess still skates, now with the Silicon Valley Roller Girls. And her number *is* 24/7. And she skates so fierce you would think she was perpetually filled with the power of PMS!