Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Derby Pukes

Derby Helper is proud to present to you: our first advice column! If you or someone you know has a derby-related problem and you'd like our advice, please email us at and if we can figure out what the hell you're asking us, we'll post it in an upcoming blog! Please let us know if you'd like us to use your real name, otherwise there will be a lot of XXXXXXXXXXXXs out there. Just sayin'. And without further ado...

Hey Derby Helper,

Last night I ate a week old piece of anchovy and olive pizza a few hours before practice. Boy was it terrible. I was really hungry. I took a couple big hits during practice and it came right up. Thankfully I made it to the bathroom before unleashing the half digested stinking mess onto the track. I would love to blame the worst slice of pizza ever for this but I can't rightfully do that. It's happened before without eating anything. I recently cut the back ends of my mouthguards out which is what usually gives me the derby voms initially. Is this a pretty common thing among skaters? It's pretty distracting to have to throw up in the middle of a scrimmage. What advice might you have for skaters prone to throwing up?




What a fabulous question to answer after having just eaten appromixately 2 pounds of cheese and olive oil. I do love me some feta-covered pizza.

Well I would like to start off asking: what's so bad about puking? If you're not still choking on your own mouthguard and/or spit, then that's probably your body's way of telling you that you ate something it doesn't like, and it'd like to return it for a full refund. I hope you're either a momma bird or you have a bathroom nearby when it happens though, because mopping in the middle of practice isn't so fun.

If you refuse to puke and can digest the food baby that is kicking you in the nuts, you will have yourself some serious concentrated evil coming out the back of you that will probably melt your teammates but will also do a number on your opponents. And by number, I mean a Number 2. Anything to win, right?

But I guess the real question here is: why do you feel so bad? Why can't you skate without feeling sick? Are you just a big, hopeless weenie whose name is "Whomp Whomp," or can you do something about it?

I did some research on the causes of nausea, and the results are astounding. Well, not really, but maybe one of these categories rings a bell for you?

The Causes of Nausea
- infections
- reactions to medication (for this reason I stay far, far away from Vicodin)
- overeating/ food poisoning or intolerance/ intoxication
- anxiety or stress
- fatigue
- brain injury
- vertigo/ motion sickness
- carbon monoxide poisoning
- pregnancy
- mechanical obstruction of the bowel (perhaps that elbow you took to the gut is still there?)
- ulcers
- dehydration

The treatment for many of these should hopefully be fairly obvious. Don't drink copious amounts of alcohol before you hit the track. Get more rest. Hurry up and have that baby already. Remove that elbow pad from your small intestine.

The others are a bit more tricky. I got the following information from

How Can I Prevent Nausea?

There are several ways to try and prevent nausea from developing:

* Eat small meals throughout the day instead of three large meals.
* Eat slowly.
* Avoid hard-to-digest foods.
* Consume foods that are cold or room temperature to avoid nausea from the smell of hot or warm foods.
* Rest after eating with your head elevated about 12 inches above your feet.
* Drink liquids between meals instead of during meals and drink at least six to eight 8-ounce glasses of water a day to prevent dehydration (unless fluid restricted for another medical condition).
* Try to eat when you feel less nauseated.

How Do I Prevent Vomiting Once I Feel Nauseated?

When you begin to feel nauseated, you may be able to prevent vomiting by:

* Drink small amounts of clear, sweetened liquids such as soda or fruit juices (except orange and grapefruit juices because these are too acidic).
* Rest either in a sitting position or in a propped lying position. Activity may worsen nausea and may lead to vomiting.

You may also have an electrolyte imbalance from dehydration. From

* Initially, adults should eat ice chips and clear, noncaffeinated, nondairy liquids such as Gatorade, ginger ale, fruit juices, and Kool-Aid or other commercial drink mixes.

* After 24 hours of fluid diet without vomiting, begin a soft-bland solid diet such as the BRAT diet: bananas, rice, applesauce without sugar, toast, pasta, and potatoes.

If you have frequent nausea, this could be a sign of something serious, and you should definitely consult your doctor. But if you think it just happened because you were eating moldy anchovies or you went the opposite way and hadn't eaten a thing all day, then maybe all you need to do is get your diet under control, get some more rest, and take your stress out on the track. Where it belongs. Also, you may want to tell your teammates to stop with the kidney shots. That shit ain't cool.

Good luck to you!

Love from Derby Helper,


  1. Thanks for the advice Derby Helper!!!

  2. Doing a quick pregnancy test won't hurt either.